A Beautiful Mess (Jason Mraz)

My best friend is getting married. There's no way in the world I could be happier for her, but I am also a single girl of 24 with a currently bleak romantic landscape. There's no way this does not back up on me.

I could say that I haven't done the side-by-side comparison in my head, but I would be lying like a dog on crack. In one corner stands BFF: engaged to a great guy, happy, planning huge, fun, sure-to-be-gorgeous wedding. In the other corner lies moi: single (and NOT loving it), prospect-less and assisting in planning huge, fun, sure-to-be-gorgeous wedding. Yes, I am aware of the perils of this sort of comparison, but I do believe that it is useful for gaining a little perspective.

What have I been doing the last 24 years of my life? How is it that I have nothing in the romance department to show for them? No war wounds. No heartbreaks. No wildly inappropriate couplings. No great loves. Have I just been remarkably busy? Have I just not been paying attention? Have I been so incredibly closed off and scared that no one even stood a chance of getting close? Where did that come from? And, seriously, how in the hell do i get over it? Or (the option that i'm sure every single gal has contemplated and dismissed with a swiftness at least once) am I just not smart, attractive, interesting, funny enough to have attracted anyone worth 'settling down' with, if only for a while? Do I not deserve to be loved?

Questions are no fun when you have no answers.

Don't misunderstand. I don't want to be married tomorrow. I just don't want to wake up 40 and realize that not only am I not married and do I not have any children, I also squandered the prime years of my life by not living them to their fullest, in every capacity I could. I understand that the notion of being spouseless and childless at 40 hardly seems like a disaster scenario to some -- there's a lot more to life than that. There's career and travel and books and art. I am most certainly not one of those people.

If I ain't married at 40, I'm running away from life and joining the circus. That's where all the freaks belong anyway! The countdown begins!!!! Drastic changes are afoot.

What I'm Listening to Now: I'm listening to my "The Weepies" radio station on Pandora. They've been spoiling me rotten over there with great stuff from Josh Radin, Ben Harper, Iron & Wine, Indigo Girls, Sufjan Stevens, some Tracy Chapman and a whole lot more people i'd never heard of but who I positively adore. Napster Shmapster!!!

Someone Else's Life (Joshua Radin)

So it's going to take entirely too long to catch you up on what's happened in between now and when i dropped off the surface of the earth, so you'll get highlights. Fair enough?

• I took the part of the dreaded CPA exam that i *did not pass* (read: that i FAILED!) over at the end of January. I await results. There's two parts hanging in the balance here, so I implore you to pray to whatever you believe in for a 75. It would literally make my life.

• Mummy came up for the inauguration of President Barack Obama. (Oh, by the way, how FREAKING AWESOME was that?!). Her trip was more fun than not, so we give glory for the small mercies.

• I'm still unemployed. It's been more months than I care to count. I've been able to keep myself busy and distracted with studying and taking trips to NY willy-nilly and whatnot. But now, that's pretty much all behind me so I am left to stare into the deep, dark, bleak expanse that lays in front of me. I need a hobby that pays me $70K immediately. This recession busy is not even slightly amusing. I'm amazed Stewart and Colbert are able to keep their jobs -- masters of their craft, clearly.

• To keep from killing myself, I caved and bought a ticket for a trip to New Orleans with 6 high school buddies. Money is an issue at the moment (see bullet point above) so let's hope this doesn't turn out to be a complete fiscal disaster.

• I'm totally twittering now!!!! I don't see it lasting that long, but i suppose we'll just see. It might just end up like that Facebook thing -- does anyone really use that??

I think those are the highlights. Since i have more free time than i know what to do with, hopefully this will mean a return to semi-regular blogging. Maybe even semi-interesting too! Crazier things have happened!

Hasta luego.