I'm About to Come Alive -- Train

I got asked to a party while I was on vacay in NY. It was a house-party at an artsy Williamsburg spot, with a plethora of funky artsy types -- buyers for Barneys, designers for DKNY, collectors of Calvin, actors, drummers -- the kind of people I wanna be when I grow up. Or at least, be friends with. It was the standard fare of house parties -- chips 'n' dip, 90's hip-hop, more bottles of alcohol than people and people getting verrry friendly all squiahed into a tiny NYC-sized apartment.

I bring this party up to discuss a funny thing that happened while I was there. I start talking to this one guy -- like, the one black guy there -- whose brother played ball at Hampton. He was cute, funny, a good dancer, a buyer for Calvin Klein and I was charming, flirty, and obviously a bit drunk. We danced and flirted and next thing I know, homeboy is all up on me trying to get some sugar! To his credit, he asked first if I wanted to kiss him, but even after declining his polite offer, he still swooped in for the steal. Okay so...

a) I was not THAT drunk

b) Despite my complexion, I am NOT a white girl (Sorry ladies, but this is your image. Don't like it? CHANGE IT!)

c) We're standing smack in the darkened middle of someone's living room

d) I do not know you from a patch of pee on a rug. I don't know you and I don't know what you're carrying around.

I thought all these reasons were reason enough to not exchange any manner of bodily fluid with this chap. But apparently not. When I recounted this story to a close friend of mine, I was greeted with disappointment and moreover, an admonishment that I, in fact, should have kissed him as I -- and i quote -- "do not want to risk becoming dull". Implication being, of course, that I was halfway there already.

Hmmm. So in order to avoid being considered 'dull', i need to engage in behavior that I think is stupid, irresponsible and gross. If this is the pressure I'm being put under as a fully-grown woman, I can only imagine what 16 year-olds go through. ("You haven't slept with him yet??? Ugh, you're so incredibly dull?") Moreover, I've heard how this particular friend has talked about a friend who habitually made out with random guys in clubs and it was not complimentary. MOREOVER, this person would never make out in a random club with a random guy. Why do I deserve less? I've been selective up until this point, but this doesn't make me wise, it makes me dull. I deserve to be the 25 year old, acting like a frisky high-school kid. I know this is an extremely chick thing to say, but I will anyway -- I was unbelievably hurt by it. Hurt and disappointed. Ugh -- goddamn feelings.

I'll get over it.

What I'm Listening to Now: "Down in the River" -- Allison Krauss. My favorite from the O Brother, Where Art Thou soundtrack. Beautiful harmonies on the updated Negro Spiritual. Kinda haunting but gorgeous.